This week could be described in one word, clarity. Clarity about what I want, need and have to do. You know how they say when one door closes another one opens. It is feeling quite a lot like that. Even though I do not really know what door is closing, I am still certain another one is opening.
I can feel my priorities shifting. A lot of times when I am going to undertake an activity I find myself asking questions. Questions such as: ‘’Is this really what you want to be doing?’’, ‘’Does this contribute to your goals?’’, ‘’Are you sure?’’. Often when I am questioning my activities and I answer with ‘’I have to’’ I call myself out on it. I do not have to do it, it should be I want to do it because it contributes to my life in a good way.
This brings me back to my tense feelings of the past weeks. They were indeed my gut feelings telling me not to do something. I am still not a hundred percent sure, but I am more certain than I was last week. Mainly because everytime I want to do something that I have to do because of obligations to other people I feel that tense feeling. So I think the tenseness is telling me that I actually do not want to do it. Which is often correct. I am really just doing it because I have to, while being very aware that I have better ways of spending my time.
I feel like it is becoming clearer what activities, trains of thoughts et cetera are helping me and which not. Also in regards to the people in my life, especially those which I should spend less time with. For the simple reason that they are interfering with what I really want. I wonder whether the tenseness has gone down because I am now aware that I am undertaking activities that I do not want to be doing. Or do I not want to be doing them because my priorities are shifting?
I wonder, am I again walking towards a crossroads in my life?