Here’s the deal: being happy all the time is total and utter BS. I know I sound like the biggest debby downer on the planet but let me explain and you’ll see that what I am about to say makes total sense. Also no this is not motivated by the current times that we live in, it’s motivated by the many times I’ve heard about people googling how to be happy or how to stay happy. Well once I clear up the myth of always being happy you’ll have a better chance at it so let’s dive in.
Controlling Your Situation To Stay Happy
In order to start being happy all the time you need to be able to control every aspect of your life. At least so it is found on when googling tips on how to be happy. And it’s here where you will immediately run into a big roadblock that is honestly never going away. This roadblock is called you can’t control others. Others in this case are people, things, situations, everything and everyone that is not you. Well, that is only partially the case but I’ll come back to you in a minute, let’s work out this train of thought first.
So as I was saying to learn how to be happy one advice is to control your situation, but what was left out of the conversation is the level of control you have to have in order to truly be happy all the time when following this advice. Wake up smiling, going to bed smiling, every waking second smiling from ear to ear. The level of control of your situation, or better said your life that is needed for that is over everything. You basically need to be playing real life sims, or God if you believe in him and believe that He guides all that you do.
Last I checked God has never set foot on earth so you’re not Him, thus that leaves you with the option of controlling everything and everyone as your sole human self. I don’t think I know a better way to fail harder than trying this. Well, I might but I’ll spare you those. Let’s walk down this path for a second because I hope you can see where this is going. Actually, all I have is a question for you: Where are you going to find the time to be actually happy while trying to control people, animals, the weather and everything else that exists on earth as human being that doesn’t know everything prior to them happening?
It’s true. In life there are so many factors that you have zero say over but do directly influence your happiness that taking control over your situation is not great advice when inquiring about how to be happy. Even when you have carefully planned out everything and gazillion checked everything something can still go haywire. I talk about this in my eBook on how to create a life story you love because it is important to realize. Even though My Story Of I is all about helping you take control of your life, I want you to take realistic control and that means that realizing that being happy all the time is a myth.
This all makes being happy all the time nearly impossible, but that is not the only reason why you simply can’t be happy all the time. Let’s continue to the advice that is brought to you by the nuanced version of the being happy tip we just wondered about.
Being Happy By Learning How To Control Your Thoughts
A part of me wants to type it as we did when we were younger, capitals off and on simply because this is my favourite terrible advice when it comes to tips on how to be happy. Listen, before I continue I want to tell you that even though it is one of my favourite terrible pieces of advice, there’s something there that’s gotten lost in popular psychology which we will discuss another day (If you can’t wait send me a message).
We’ve leaped forward by hopefully stepping away from trying to control your entire life and everyone in it. Now we’re diving into trying to control your thoughts in order to be happy. What does being happy by controlling your thoughts actually mean? As far as my googling has convinced me it is mostly about controlling the negative thoughts and making sure to not let those overpower your thinking. Solid advice if I say so myself. However, how does one do that? What exactly are the negative thoughts, I mean I have a general idea about a few but I’d still like to get the specifics. Are all types of negative thoughts equal and thus require the same control technique (I mean to generally control them not the specific method used, even though as far as I’ve read the same ones are used for a lot of things)? Inquiring minds need to know.
Here’s the pitfall in using the control your thoughts technique: it can lead you swiftly and promptly into learning how to fake being happy. When you are faking your happiness you aren’t actually happy.. Even though you are convincing the world that you are, which can put you at risk of cutting off your desired support from your system (friends, family etc.). Yes there’s an argument there with laughter therapy, smiling therapy and telling your mind things so it will come to believe it however these should be viewed as part of a whole group of action steps that can help you become actually happy. So not fake happiness but actual happiness that rests on a lot more than just controlling your thoughts. Above that none of these things give you any guarantee that you will be happy all the time. There are nuances there that are super important which I will get to in the last part.
Besides that, controlling how you feel can also walk you down the path of suppressing how you truly feel in favor of only positive thoughts. Again what are only positive thoughts? The most dangerous pitfall in this might be the risk of not feeling anymore, I know that sounds dramatic but hear me out. Suppressing your feelings for long enough creates the absolute perfect breeding ground for apathy. Feeling apathetic towards your own life is not a good feeling let me tell you a someone who has experienced it first hand. The problems that can grow from there could have you needing professional intervention.
The last and maybe most important part that you have to know about in terms of trying to be happy all the time is your emotions. We talked just now about what can happen with suppressing them but I glanced over the fact that having them is normal. Positive, negative, neutral all of them are normal to have. They come with the human experience as much as the world spins around its axis. You’re basically trying to control a part of yourself that is naturally there which can be super unnatural depending on how you do it. I told you I’d get back to you. Can you control all of your emotions? Deal with them as you ”should”? You know like an ”adult” should?
Now I’m not saying its not possible to learn how to control your thinking. You very much can but there’s a process involved and that process is not aimed at being happy all the time. Nor is it achievable. I mean you’re bound to stub your pinky toe at some point right? Are you just not going to feel the pain and be happy it happened to you? Really?
Don’t Ignore The Ebb And Flow Of Life
Seriously, have you ever stubbed your pinky toe? You must have but for those of you who are the true lucky ones among us (please teach me your ways??) it hurts so much I can’t even think of words to describe it to do the pain justice.
I stubbed my pinky toe today. So even though I created a life I love living, stubbing my pinky toe is still a part of it. Not everyday can be the best day of your life, some are just days that's the lesson here. I personally would've gone with another teacher though.. pic.twitter.com/IDYpOZpzIn— DCPR. | My Story Of I (@MyStoryOfI) August 25, 2021
As painful as stubbing your toe is, what I tweeted is correct. Being happy all the time is not a realistic thing to aim for. Not everyday can be the best day of your life. Life is going to happen and life contains good days, great days and days that you wish were over sooner rather than later. Even though I just said that life contains great and good days, it doesn’t mean the entire day is good or great. If it did you would once again be ignoring one of the most vital parts of life that we all have to come to grips with at some point. This is the ebb and flow of life.
Like the water having high tides, slamming in great velocity against the shore we have times of high stress, pain and other unpleasantness as well. However, just like the high tide passes, so do these days eventually. I know that sounds cheesy, but best believe that I am not believing that it is an overnight process. I believe it is a process that you are able to do that can lead you to having many moments of being happy but just not all the time. A lot of happy moments is what one should strive for as that is actually achievable. Or more great moments than just moments which works as well.
Now how can a day be great when not every moment was fantastic. Well that’s the thing about life the sum of it’s parts is where the secrets of life are found. Happiness is found as a moment and a happy day is collection of happy moments. A happy life is a collection of happy moments, yes at the end it can very well be that a day that you feel like never talking about again today might become the best day of your life when tied to another moment in the future. The possibility for that to be true is there, but the possibility of it not being true is also there.
Recommended: The Most Valuable Rules Of Happiness Through Time
The ebb and flow of life, just like the continuous tides will always remain a part of your life which in the end makes being happy all the time complete and utter BS, because who is happy and grateful right off the bat that something that pains them happened to them?
Think about it, after all this do you still believe learning how to be happy all the time is possible?
Share with friends ↴