I think for the first time I’ve solved a question I created by wondering through continuous wondering. In past weeks I’ve been evaluating, wondering, thinking and debating myself about the people in my life. I think I’ve finally matched one piece of the puzzle.
Last week I could not help but wonder about the people half present in my life. You know the people who are in when they have to be, out when they don’t. It tore me apart being pro and contra at the same time. I just can’t live like that, you know with so much insecurity. Especially since I’m the one allowing it.
So I’ve decided contra. Either you’re all in, or all out there just isn’t any middle ground here. No grey zone. I mean I started My Story Of I because I wanted to do figure out all the things I want to do wholeheartedly. Live my life wholeheartedly. So why should I allow anyone to be in my life halfheartedly? Even in the periods that they are there, they’re there wholeheartedly it still doesn’t count.
It doesn’t count because the situation raises more question than I think it’ll bring smiles. Questions such as: “Is this something I should discuss with them?”, “How long will they stick around this time?”, “Are they going to show up?”. These questions cause doubts, insecurities and a whole lot of wondering. Basically everything I’m trying to get in control, they increase.
I’ve changed to much allow anyone, myself included, to make me half happy.