Do you remember as a teenager seeing the person that you liked ‘’liked’’ and started to get all squirmish and giddy? Also saying ‘’Ohh my god, Ohh my god, Ohh my god’’ ten thousand times for absolutely no reason? Well I was that girl last Sunday. I spent most of the day rereading my old wonderlogues. By the time I had read half of them I was feeling all sorts of happy, energized and motivated. Motivated to continue to rewrite or invent new rules. I also realized for me to be part of society as it is, I need to do it my way. Completely my way. In other words I want to continue what I started on May 9th, 2016. I want to keep continuing my roller coaster ride.
Another thing I realized while reading all my old wonderlogues is that my life is one big roller coaster. With all the necessary ups and downs. It makes me wonder when my life will become a smoother ride. Or even if I want a smoother ride, because after every low I came out on top. Not only did I come out on top I also became stronger, wiser and more empowered than I’ve ever been. The same as now. I felt miserable because I was fundamentally going in the wrong direction. Now that I have adjusted my direction, I can move forward more confidently than before.
During the rest of the week I continued rereading all my old posts. I took a big stroll through memory lane! My life indeed is a roller coaster filled with lots of ups and downs but also filled with lots of unexpected thrilling curves. I read about things that I had completely forgotten about such as the fact that I walked on train tracks on the first day of the year. I have done many things that I would have never ever thought of doing was it not for My Story of I. With every step taken I stretched my comfort zone and became more and more the girl that I’m now totally in love with and want to be. Luckily I am her! Even the steps in the wrong direction stretched my comfort zone. I learned something every time.
I can’t help but wonder about those steps in the wrong direction. It is normally believed that when you go off course, like I did, you are walking on a different path. As if somewhere down the road we took a wrong turn and that the road we’re on now doesn’t lead back to our main road. The main road being the one that you actually want to be on. What if they are in fact connected? That the part where you take the side road is the part where on the main road the concrete cannot be poured because you do not have the correct materials. The materials being the knowledge that you gain on the side road.
However far I go off course I always come back to My Story of I, I always get back to my main road. As soon as I do the hardship starts to reveal its lesson. Now if my theory is true, that we go off course to learn the lessons that we need to continue pouring concrete on our main road, then when we get back to our main road, do we get back to the point where we went off course? Or have we taken a leap forward and thus have been redirected? If so, does this mean that our main road changes without us consciously knowing? I just can’t help but wonder whether life is a straight line with loops or with safety roadblocks.
All I know right now is that I feel good again, my hives are gone and I will be continuing my roller coaster ride that I started.