The past few weeks I have been going on and on about knowing that a change is coming but not knowing what it is. Well it is here and in full process happening. No transition phase, just a spin of the wheel. Kind of like a u-turn when you see traffic coming towards you except I am not going in backwards direction. Well I was and that is why the change was necessary. Let me explain.
With slowly trying to add features in my life that I at the beginning of my adventure axed out, I got myself in a lot of trouble. I now realize it was my own fault. At the beginning of this adventure I carefully thought out and planned what to keep and what had to go. I wonder what made me think it was a good idea to bring them back? I mean I spend so much time wondering about taking them out so I should have just trusted that decision. Also to convince myself even more that out is the way to go, I was perfectly happy without all of it in my life.
The thing is that at some point they knocked on the door of my life again. Note that I am talking about people, things, my own habits, basically everything I have come across since the beginning of this year (2017). Well now I sound super dramatic, I do hope you get the point. For the record it’s not all that dramatic. Anyhow this week it just dawned on me that it is my own fault for opening the door and giving it another chance. I was happy without all that in my life and I shall continue to be as well. Obviously I have kicked everything out again, mainly because I felt so inspired by this quote:
I applaud Elizabeth Gilbert. She is right. That was the exact way I felt when I started my adventure. Now I am starting to feel that way again. I want a new direction in my life and that is going to change a lot within my life. How exactly I do not know, but I do know that I am not going to tiptoe around it like I did at the beginning. Mainly because I now know that the effect is going to be the exact same whether I tiptoe or not. The only difference is that with my direct approach now I will get to my results faster, which, you know, is totally worth the initial shock.
I cannot help but wonder whether certain relationships that I want to survive this change will actually survive. Especially since the way I am changing my life is to point the arrows even more towards me. With the arrows I mean my focus. Lately there are a lot of moments where I am wondering ‘’How can I get out of doing this?’’ or my personal favorite ‘’I have other priorities than this, how is this helping my story?’’. The latter mainly has a negative answer, and the first question just got answered this week. The answer is simple. I am just not going to do it anymore or simply leave. Another reason to follow these answers is by not doing it my anxieties get fueled up, which is absolutely not what I want.
I wrote a post about how precious time is a long time ago, when I was still just ankles deep in my adventure. At the moment I am way deeper but seem to have forgotten that important message. At the end of the day or better my story I want to have filled my time properly. Better said happily and not having wondered what else I could have done. So now we are turning the wheel and cutting off a lot while doing it. To be honest I could not be happier that this is happening. I only wonder why I am not scared or anxious like I normally am. Well correction, I am not as scared as I think I should be.
I can’t help but wonder is this the point where I am finally going to understand that no is sometimes the best option?