I’ve slowly started coming to my senses when I was reminded of what Elsie de Wolfe had said:
“I’m going to make everything around me beautiful – that will be my life”.Elsie De Wolfe
I can’t help but to completely agree without a doubt in my mind. This week I went back to the beginning. I thought about why I started My Story Of I. It was to save myself and hopefully others from living life half happy or worse unhappy. Yet here I am half happy, which is unacceptable, obviously. However, now there is a difference.
Catch up on last weeks’ wonder here so you know why I need to come to my senses.
The difference is that I spent the past eight months figuring out how to get myself out of a state of half happy. Therefore I know how to get back to last month’s happy me. Well I sort of know. Rereading my own thoughts and advice has helped a lot. I’ve been coming to my senses. I have rerealized that the reason my adventure is called My Story of I is because it is MY story. I hold the pen, I am writing my story.
That is exactly what went wrong, I think. For a moment there it was not me who was writing My Story. It was being written for me. I was becoming a character in my own story. In My Story, I am the author. Do not get me wrong I am not blaming anyone for this happening, I am just unhappy yet happy that it happened. I am happy it happened because it opened my eyes.
It opened my eyes to underlying insecurities and thoughts that were not properly dealt with. Now I have an opportunity to work through them and come out better and happier. I can not help but wonder what would have happened if I did not become half happy again. Would those thoughts have forever lived inside of me? Or worse are there things I have completely overlooked in this process?
Even though I am working through anxieties I am going to continue to live happy. Focusing my mind on all things happy will lead to more happiness. Living life exactly like Elsie de Wolfe her quote. I have come to my senses. It is I who is in control of my story and my story consists of happiness. That I know for sure.
It is daunting opening yourself up to your anxieties, but it is the only way to heal. Scared but determined I will continue.