I guess in the end it is all about balance. Balance and knowing what to balance. Something I figured out this week. I found something out about myself that I never would have realized if I had not changed my life once again. Well, I haven’t actually changed my life, I just made it a little wider with more people. In doing that, I lost my balance. Better said I lost the ability to know how to be balancing time.
I found out that last week I was right. I was missing me. Not just me, my life as it has been the previous months. I’ve grown so accustomed to it, that changing it scared my system. I haven’t just grown accustomed to my lifestyle, I’ve grown to truly love it. It is so peaceful. I’ve come to realize that the vision I had for my life is the one I am actually living. You know how they say sometimes you need to stand still and look around you because you might miss out on something wonderful? That saying couldn’t be more true.
If I had not tried to add more people to my life, my eyes would’ve never been opened to see how wonderful my life is. Don’t get me wrong, there are still things I would like to change or better said improve but in general I am happy. Happy with my life the way it is set up right now. The only thing I have to figure out now is how do I integrate the people without disrupting my happiness? This week has been wonderful because there was a great time balance between them and me. In the end it is me I was missing.
When thinking reasonably I cannot possibly have both. I cannot continue my life the way it is and have them be a part of it. I have clear proof that it won’t work. Yet I can’t help but want exactly that. I wonder if there is a way I can make that possible. I get that with balance it would be possible. I just wonder whether I’m not selling one of the two short? Cause this week the balance was tipped more towards me and I was happy. But I was also happy to go spend time with them, once I did.
How could this have become a matter of choosing sides? Me with or without them. Or is it still a matter of trial and error? Could it be that by continuously getting to know the new territory I will grow accustomed to it as well? Is that even possible with people? Will I be able to, after sufficient time, integrate them in my life?
Is balancing time the key factor here?