I’ve realized what was happening last week. My life is changing, which is obvious but it was changing in the wrong direction. No wonder I panicked. From the moment I started my life changing journey, I had a vision for my life. The vision was perfectly clear. Unfortunately the past week, well two weeks actually, the vision got blurry, which was very daunting. However I have come to realize it was too soon for change.
I now know why I was feeling panicked. I was feeling like that because I, ironically, did not have time to think anymore. I didn’t have time to put things into perspective. To wonder, basically. It is funny how the habit I struggle most with is the only one that could calm me down. Is this evidence that wondering is in someway good for me?
Apparently so, because the moment I forced myself to retreat, I felt better. I wonder whether that just means that I miss me. The time I used to spend by myself doing my own thing. I have done that in the past weeks but significantly less. In the spirit of making my life an adventure I invested a lot of time in getting to know the new people. Now I wonder whether the adventure I want most is the one by myself? In a way my senses are telling me yes..
I mean in the past seven months I have discovered so much about myself. Also about my environment in reaction to my personal changes. However the changes I enjoyed the most were the ones I noticed in myself. The way I was treating me. I was making sure that my vision was not only a vision but also my reality. Now I wonder did I conclude too soon that the lifestyle I created was ready to be shook up a little? Was it too soon for change?
Never would I have thought that wondering would be my saving grace.