What’s a girl to do when someone flips the script? What do you do when someone asks you the exact questions you ask others all the time? You can already guess where i’m going with this. Last week someone asked me the following question: ’’What would you do if you only had 3 months left to live?‘’. I knew the answer before they had finished talking. Surprisingly enough, all the things I wrote down were not the things that preoccupy my days the most. A giant confirmation of conformity. Besides that, the question also worked as a mirror. They had me face the mirror of my own creation. A mirror I could not avoid even if I tried. Believe me, I tried.
This train of thought started here. Reading it will make this an easier read.
At the exact moment I had somewhat successfully repressed the question another one got fired towards me. Well it technically wasn’t a question. It was something someone said in response to my answer to the question: ‘’Name a person who you feel appreciated by and vice versa’’. The person I spoke of knows my past, present and will go with me into the future. Seeing that we were speaking of the past I was pushed with my nose against the facts once again. Not only are all the memories dabbling around in my mind but also what the person said; ‘’I hear your values coming through but also that he is someone that knows you’’. They meant that he knows me, the me that I am when writing, when alone and when the lights go out. He has seen the purest form of me. Also, he knows all the dreams I had as a girl. He, he is home.
It is exactly those dreams that I’m now making a reality. Speaking about him to a complete stranger made everything rush back. It made me realize how special the friendship is and how much it means to me. Furthermore it reminded me of who I was and the qualities I liked about myself. More importantly, it reminded me of who I wanted to be at the age I am now. Am I that girl? Kinda. There are still some working points. Which got painfully highlighted by all the questions and having to face the mirror of my own creation. I mean I knew I still had some things to figure out but kinda thought it was a future thing. However the saying; “There is no time like the present” just came true. So here we go.
To be or not to be a conformist, that is still the question. Though now a question with an answer. Not to be a conformist. Or a conformist to my own faith and I’m not talking religion here. Conforming to doing things my way, making up the rules as I go and believing in me, my choices and my strength. Believing in creating the person I want to be is worth it. Isn’t believing what it all comes down to in the end? Believing in yourself? Supporting your own choices and being your own cheerleader? Especially in moments when you are dead scared? Or with your back against the wall?
I can’t help but wonder does believe trump it all?