Last week I was wondering about what was left for me to wonder about. I concluded in finding that there really was nothing left for me to wonder about. Except what my next big adventure would be. Which is basically wondering about the grand unknown. The grand unknown feels like a dream. I have had to pinch myself multiple times to make sure that I am really awake. Especially now that I ticked one of the boxes of my dreams! Yes, I have actually completed one of my dreams which I will discuss in another post. Now I am at this point where I feel this extreme calmness.
I have completely come to realize that others opinions of my life do not matter. My happiness is important and should stand above that. Which compelled me to do something I have not done in a year or two. I posted a picture on my Instagram where I am actually on. Now I know this does not sound like a big deal but it is to me. Ever since I started My Story Of I, I have not clearly linked my face to it. Yes there is a reference of it on my Instagram but that is about it. And on twitter the pinned post is a picture of me, but that is just because no one I know is on twitter. I do not know whether it is anonymity or hiding but whatever it is, I am breaking free of it.
I know I am breaking free of it because I have told two people that I am a writer. Which so far I had only said to myself out loud. I have always liked to keep to myself. Privacy and anonymity are words I kind of idealize. The less people know, the better. However I do not want to keep My Story Of I a secret. I couldn’t if I tried, seeing that it is online for everyone to find and read. When asked about it, I will talk about it but never will I bring it up myself. I guess it is just too dear to my heart to do so. Maybe it is the same with my picture posting.
Now do not get me wrong, it has nothing to do with likes and comments or anything. I know this for sure because in my teens I hardly ever let people take pictures of me. So if I would not even let someone take them, what would possess me to post them online? I guess that now I just feel more gutsy and possibly secure. Secure in the sense that I know this life is mine to live the way I want. You know, I am the writer of My Story and I shall write the way it pleases me. I just cannot help but wonder whether this is an over spill of the fact that I have realized one of my dreams.
Going in I got a lot of backlash. Stuff such as it is dangerous, it is best to wait, the timing is not right. Etc etc. all I could think was:
‘’You might be right but I am willing to find out the ‘’hard way’’. ‘’– DCPR.
To put it in their terms. Which completely contradicts me. I am happy I went with my own thoughts because now I feel calm, able and ready for just about anything. Even the things that scared me at 22, such as a picture of me on Instagram, does not scare me anymore. It could be because I am wiser now at 23 or because on my Birthday I realized that chapter 22 was so great because I made scary moves that turned out great.
For me all the above is a big step towards me being even more me. Funny enough my quote of the day on my Birthday was:
‘’It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.’’– E.E. Cummings
Now I wonder even more about what else I am capable of doing. Not just doing, what more I will find out about myself and what other gutsy moves I can make to make chapter 23 greater than 22.
Perhaps chapter 23 will be all about having more guts while stepping into the grand wonderful unknown.