This is not me. The past week that is the sentence I have said to myself more times than there are minutes in a day. Most of it had to do with the fact that I have been apartment hunting for 3 weeks now and everything I have seen is just a simple no. Well not everything, some of them are a Hell No. They did however made it very clear that I have become very aware of what it is I want and more importantly need to walk away from. Not just want to walk away from but need to walk away from. Actual need. Not just in the apartment hunt department.
This left me to wonder about why it is so bad to completely not do something that is expected from me? Just because my generation is all about something, why do I have to participate? Let me explain what ‘’this’’ is. First of all the apartments. The one thing I keep hearing is; ‘’Ohh it is for students, it is good they do not mind’’. This is said as a respond to parts being dirty, broken or just peculiarly decorated. The best one was where the bathroom and toilet did not have a door they were just ‘’conveniently’’ located in the entrance hall.. I am not that kind of girl. Yes I am a student, just not the one that is okay with what apparently the general student norm is. When I respond awkwardly the landlords look at me as if I am some weird species. However that is not the main reason why I kept saying ‘’This is not me’’ the past week.
This is not me
In order for me to plan visits to apartments I need to have my phone on constantly. Something I have not had in over a year. Most of the time I have it on silent or on vibrate just so I do not hear all the sounds it can make. Note that I carefully picked out these sounds, yet hearing them more than three times makes my nerves go absolutely crazy. When that happens I, more often than not, just turn it off. I have now reached a point where I honestly do not understand how people do it. I just feel my quality of life is way better with my phone being used as minimal as possible. There is only one thing on my phone that I will admit to being addicted to, which is reading the news. For the rest me and my phone are hardly ever together.
Every time I announce that my life is perfectly fine without constantly reading social feeds or better having my phone on. I get looks. As if the way I lead my life is weird. Being a slave to my phone is something I just do not appreciate being. I know it is harsh to say that some people are enslaved by their phones but seeing that psychologists are starting to do research about it I might be onto something. For more proof, phone rehab clinics exist. I kid you not, just google it. I think I have now sufficiently proved my point. Being forced to tend to my phone in order to find a new apartment has made it painfully clear that I cannot continue life in that matter. Even though I clearly remember a time where my phone was basically an extra limb.
I now know for a fact that I have completely detached myself from my former ways and from what in some ways is expected from me. Expected in the sense that I am 23 and in the prime of my life. The ‘’normal’’ way would be for me to party it up like a student should. And I do I just do it differently which kinda means I don’t. Why is it so wrong that I am perfectly happy with a book and some tea? I spend my money on vacations and on developing who I am and not on alcohol. Which is the main part of my days when I am not at uni. Working on the career that I actually want so I can wake up living the life that I am living in my head. I just can’t help but wonder why me adapting this lifestyle, one that suits me and makes me happy, is one that is almost problematic for others?
I mean problematic in the sense that it is said that when I am older I will have missed a lot and have lots of regrets and such. Yes this has actually been said to me. I sincerely wonder whether that will be true seeing that I am not missing it now. Now that I supposedly have every opportunity to do so. It’s just not who I am. All I basically care about is making my life a glorious adventure with a beautiful career. Really, what is so bad about that?
This is the lifestyle I want. I just wonder why is it so odd for others to understand I detach on purpose?
Love,
DCPR.
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