So I took a little, very longish, hiatus. Lots has happened, lots of new things to wonder about as my life has shifted again. Well maybe not my life maybe just me. But then again I run my life so.. Lost track of where I was going with this🙈 I just don’t know how to properly explain it at the moment. Either way first a little news I’m back in more ways than one. I’m also doing way better so that’s good news as well👏🏽 Me feeling better also comes with a decision. A decision that will have an impact on many parts of my life if and everything works out.
First let me be nice and tell you in what ways all I’m back. Obviously I’m back to writing My Story Of I full-time but not just that. The location in which I’m writing has changed back to its original place. The place where it all started. I’ve moved out of my parents house once again and am now back at my home away from home. As lovely as the care of my parents has been it is kinda, really, nice to be back. I’m starting to feel like me a little more every day. Well a new me, one that is wiser and hopefully healthier.
Speaking about health, still in the process of sorting that out to my satisfaction but at least it’s being taken care off. On top of that I’m feeling way better. Sufficiently so to live on my own again. You can’t imagine how happy that makes me. Time really does help. As I said in my birthday post everyday I’m winning ground back and now that even more time has passed I’m standing way stronger than when that was typed. I still can’t stop wondering about time. It’s such a simple yet incredibly complex topic. One that I am utterly obsessed with.
Time helped me come to a decision. A decision that had a major impact on my life. I decided to not listen to the people who wanted to give me advice, with good intentions, on what to do with my life. I bluntly and abruptly shut them out. I sat in the conversation just saying ‘’okay’’ all the time while playing a song in my head. To this day I cannot tell you what it is they said. Honestly, I know it seems rude, I don’t mind not knowing. It’s just things clicked, clicked in a manner that illuminated my world and I don’t want to go back.
I already knew what the story was going to be. I should take it easy and postpone things. As soon as the first sentence came out of their mouth my inner voice stood up and screamed ‘’NOOOO!’’ and this time I listened. I listened to me. I know what is in my heart, no one else does. Yes it’s going to be hard. But postponing things is not going to make things easier. This is life we’re talking about no day is ever the same, even if it seems that way. Seem is the key word. I just can’t help but wonder why is it that postponing things always seems like a good idea when the road ahead gets super rocky? Or the one behind you has been rocky..
I mean I understand that you can’t do everything at once. You only got two hands, eyes and feet but still. Why are we so hell-bent that in the future everything will be better even though in the present we’re doing nothing to make it so? Does it stem from the principle that most people believe we indeed will live till we’re 80+ and thus got a lot of time? Or because in the future we will be ready? I can’t help but wonder. Either way I did not listen and so far it’s been amazing. I feel so much more capable for some reason.
My life is shifting and for once I actually feel ready.. Yet I can’t help but wonder whether this might be the reason behind me having been sick. Did I need one more push in the right direction? I can’t help but wonder.
Love,
DCPR.
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