Typing this on my last days as a 24 year old. Normally this post would be one of me sharing the four most important things I learned during the year of 24, however this year it is going to be a little different because my god has it been a year. A year that started in Marbella and is ending in I don’t know. For this post that is the only thing I don’t know. Instead of sharing four lessons I thought I’d take a trip down the memory lane of the year of 24, cause as I said before; my god has it been a year.
The year of 24 started in Marbella, a place I wanted to visit for a very special reason. I don’t know if you guys remember the show ‘’Plain Jane’’ with Louise Roe who would take one girl on an adventure to break out of her shell. Seeing the Marbella scenery I felt like that girl was the luckiest in the world to be walking around there changing her life with every step. I needed that too as I was closing a year that had been equally amazing and tough. At the same time I was walking into such uncertainty I figured why not start in Marbella? I was also making a young DCPR’s dreams come true.
Normally I make sure that my birthday trips are internationally as in intercontinental as I have no ‘’I’m-skipping-uni’’ guilt around this time, as there is no uni at the moment. However since I was still kind of sick I couldn’t go that far. First I was kind of upset, obviously that all changed upon arrival. I was even happier on May 29th 2018 when I left dinner to go for a stroll on the Marbella Boardwalk and I saw a blood moon and that is how I opened year of 24. Even on my actual birthday May 30th 2018 I saw it again, how amazing is that?!
I don’t know if you know but I am kind of obsessed with the moon. Everytime I am having one of the most amazing nights I look up and it is a full moon. I truly believe that everytime I see the moon it is sign that I am on the right path, doing the right things. I know, I know it is easy to see the moon as it comes out every night. However I never go looking for it, I always just look up and it’s there. Another thing I am usually in bed by 9.30PM so not much to look for at that time. I also live in the middle of a smoggy European city, so there’s that too.
Either way after seeing that moon I knew I was heading into quite the year. Looking back it was. I have hit an all time high with my three month trip to Lima, Peru, which I know I still owe you a couple of posts about. It has always been my dream to study and live abroad and being granted that opportunity is something I will cherish forever. It just dawned on me that ever since starting My Story Of I, I have consistently checked things of my lists of things I’ve always dreamed of doing. Dubai, Marbella, Living Abroad, writing and lots more. Through writing My Story of I, I have developed the courage to just go do without thinking so much in terms of ‘’Should I?, Shouldn’t I?’’.
I experienced being in Lima, as such a high. You, my wonders, know, when I travel I feel incredible, empowered and just generally amazing. This was three months of adventures, exploring and growing as a psychologist and as a person. Living out my dream!! The feeling thinking back to it, is just.. Honestly I fail to find the words to describe it properly. All what has been said and is going to be said in this post has been the after effect of one decision on May 9th 2016. Can you believe that? Can you believe that it in essence it can be so simple? Definitely something to wonder about, at least I do, a lot..
Thinking about it all, in those terms blows my mind, leaves me gobsmacked and just stunned. I guess if we’re talking about lessons, the lesson here is to make a decision and to stick to it relentlessly. Speaking about sticking to it and decisions, I have to be honest the past five months have been rough. If you were wondering why the last post was on April 10th 2019, it’s because after that I reached my breaking point. I got to a point so low where I’d spent every ‘’unobligated’’ moment in bed. Waking up and getting out of bed was the hardest thing I’d do everyday, which basically only happened on days when I had something obligated to do. Take obligation as literal as possible, I mean if I could for any reason, valid or not, stay home I would and did.
I have experienced such a low point before but this one hit hard. I was so happy, you know? So full of life and wanting to come back to Europe and kick b**t to get everything in order. I mean I started ordering things while still in Lima, so I didn’t even have to wait to get started once I returned! However, upon my return slowly but steadily I started declining mentally and after a while physically as a result of not wanting to take care of myself properly. Yes I did get sick again, but I am taking care of it, promise. I type this with tears in my eyes but I always promised to be honest to you and bad times are a part of my life too.
I have been able to get myself somewhat out of that situation. Mind you, somewhat is the keyword. I still have days where I’d rather stay in bed and not engage with the world. I am still en route to figure out where I went wrong, even though a part of me feels like it is abundantly clear. Perhaps I’m just not ready to face it as it does entail a decision I made. A decision I can facepalm myself for. You can feel this one coming; it’s complicated, and the point I am trying to make is that I am back to getting better, which is only highlighted by me sitting down to write again, not just this birthday post.
When thinking about the things that I have learned during the year of 24 is that life depends on me, in every sense of depending and me. My choices, my actions, my feelings and the outcome of my life is in my hands. I used to feel so powerless, as if the influence of others on my life was greater than my own. When I say others I don’t necessarily mean people, I mean it in a broad way. This year, however, showed me that any and everything I put my mind to I can successfully bring to fruition, no matter the influence of others. I think that is the main thing I am taking from the year of 24. There is nothing I cannot do, even when not knowing how or which steps to exactly take.
I kinda feel like I have shared a lot of sadness that has happened in the year of 24. As if sadness is the underlayer of the year of 24, which is not the case! There have been incredible moments as well. Granted most of them have been in Lima, but they still count. I have also finished my poetry book that I have meaning to write for years and years and years, so that is great too. Whether you, my wonders, will read it is something I yet have to wonder a little more about, sorry! I’ll probably start by sharing little things on insta and twitter as a compromise.
I guess I’ve kind of walked me and you through the year of 24 and it is time start thinking about the year of 25. It feels so weird as I have known what the year of 25 is supposed to look like for years. When I say years I mean preteen, which at 25 seems like ancient history. At the moment I can only hope that I make preteen me proud as a 25 year old. The way life is set up now the odds are in my favour to do just that and of course, I’ll be taking you with me.
They say that the year of 25 is one of the best years of your life. I have every intention of making that a self fulfilling prophecy by loving myself and celebrating my life even more.
Happy Birthday to Me🖤!
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