It has been a year. A year since I made a conscious decision to change my life around. To finally listen to the beat of my own heart and walk confidently in the direction of my dreams. I can honestly say it has been the best year of my life. Not just because of all the things I have done but because I now know who I am and who I strive to be. The best part about my journey is the fact that I have fallen utterly and completely in love with myself.
I am so used to reading all the quotes about how you should give yourself the love you show others. Or when asked about your loved ones how long it would take to name yourself. I used to agree with them. I just did not understand it. Well I did understand the words but now that I am living it I really understand what they mean. Making a conscious decision to get to know me has given me the chance to honestly fall in love with myself and enabled me to say that I love myself, flaws and all. I am by no means perfect, nor do I desire to be but I am happy, which to me is all that matters.
By taking the time to get to know myself I have discovered all the things I want to do. I now know what kind of person I am, which enables me to completely ignore anyone’s judgement of me, because at this moment there is no one that knows me better than I do. It is such a liberating feeling to not care about their judgments. Especially because I know better. I know the truth that lies in my heart, they do not. Therefore their opinion is not important. I have learned to completely accept myself. So when my flaws are pointed out to me, I do not get hurt anymore because I know them and accept them. Do not get me wrong I am willing to work on my flaws but I am not beating myself up over them. I simply refuse to.
I am not going to steal my own happiness anymore. My happiness depends on me, I fully realize that. On my choices, my thoughts and my actions. The more negative thoughts I have, the less positive my life will be. My brain influences everything in my life. Keeping my thoughts in check has been of great importance. Easy? No, by all means not. But it has been very worth it because in the process I have taught myself how to be my own best friend and to not say things about myself that I would not want someone else repeating. This goes hand in hand with not accepting just anything that is said to me.
Looking at the bigger picture. I am not only not accepting being talked to negatively, I am also not allowing anyone to treat me poorly. What I learned in this past year is that I set the standard for how I want to be treated by treating myself incredibly well. I have decided to set the standard high without a possibility to lower it. Simply because at this level I am happy, so why not? I am done conforming to society’s or ‘’their’’ standards. I have created my own set of rules, values and beliefs to which I live by. Again freedom is all I feel. Freedom and happiness.
Another thing that I changed that I am super psyched about is the people in my surrounding. Yes I hurt some feelings. Yes I do feel bad about that, however in the long run it was the right decision. Toxic relationships of any sort are not good for your health and happiness. Cutting myself free from them has given me such a relieve. Ultimately it was a step in the right direction. Ever since I am way more careful with who I let in my life. I tried for a period during this year to allow people (back) into my life, which did not work out. About some of the people I am sad but mostly I am happy because they made me realize that it is better to stay at home then to leave my house and be miserable. Ultimately it is me who everyone is competing with and I really like me. An okay time just doesn’t cut it anymore.
Now, after a year, I have come to the conclusion that it is me that determines my destiny. Me and no one else. And this girl is ready. Very ready. My professor told me at 18 years old:
‘’The world is mine to take, all I have to do is take a step’’
He could not have been more right. In the year that is coming I am going to continue to take even more steps than I already have. My motivation and drive is higher than ever. I know what I want and no one, not even me, is going to stop me. Last but not least I can now honestly say that I am happy.
I am going to continue taking myself by the hand and chase my dreams, I ignited a fire in me that I will fuel for the rest of my days.