This week has been a fight between me, myself and I. I have a 100% confirmation that drowning yourself in a new lifestyle works. Really making your brain only absorb information that will help you get to where you want to go works. However when you’re not feeling so good and your brain has a new mindset running, that could cause problems. And it has. It’s caused fights. Fights against very comforting bad habits. It’s exactly there where the fighting begins. The mindset against the habits, currently at round 18763787298.
You know how they say a good way to spiral out of control is to get inside your own head? Which will create problems that weren’t there to begin with. What happens when the exact opposite happens. What if everytime you start to spiral down to the darkside your brain with its new mindset steps in and says all the right things that make sense and in the same breath completely don’t? That is where I’m at right now. Wondering what’s going to happen getting lost but finding myself in the same breath.
Remember last week I told you how liberating it felt to explain why I don’t entertain certain things anymore, this feeling is even better. Or worse, I don’t know. I have often wondered whether all the books I’ve read, all the lessons I’ve learned and all the enlightening conversations I have had would have a permanent mark on me. I mean all those things have helped shape my current mindset. Now I know, they very much have left a permanent mark. Now obviously I can’t help but wonder whether maybe this is the lesson I am supposed to learn.
Time is a luxury not a promise.
That A time is very much a luxury and not a promise and B that I have to keep going because what I am doing is right. I am on the correct path even though sometimes I get so scared I fear I might have a heart attack. Why else would I be parenting myself, right? And yes I am still wondering about time. Time is a luxury not a promise. Why is it that with all the good times we always spend it focusing on the fact that it will end. Why don’t we just rejoice the moment that we’re experiencing? Why do we spend the time we want to have wishing for more of that exact time? I can’t help but wonder.
What is it with us and time? Also am I learning my lesson while still in the midst of things? I feel a plot twist coming.